


goodbye, blue skies.

by Laeana



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Car Accidents, Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, Fear, Fights, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Alternating, Past Character Death, Racing, Team Feels, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:40:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23431081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laeana/pseuds/Laeana
Summary: Daniel saw people sinking. Hurting themself. Dying. And he promised himself to never fall in love with another driver.But. There is Max and it's complicated. Max wants more, Max is young, Max doesn't understand.Or maybe he does. Too well.After a violent argument, the two engage themselves into a dangerous race under the most disastrous conditions.And an accident happens so quickly.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	goodbye, blue skies.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going again for english ...  
> But this time I'm not alone.  
> And I would like to thanks tanynova so much for correcting this story; you're the reason I had enough courage to start writing in english ! :)
> 
> As for the rest ... good reading !

" **I never believed you, I only wanted you. Before all of this, what did I miss? Did you ever get homesick? I can't get used to it, I'll never get used to it.** "

* * *

Second season in yellow. Never missing the blue too much. In fact, there are things he misses about it. Like being teammate with Max, it was great. It really has been a good time. But being in this team ... he couldn't miss that much.

Remembering everything that happened makes his heart heavy. Never believed he deserved such bullshit. Apparently he did, at some point.

And nothing would ever be the same after it.

He knew it.

The fact that him and Max grew up distant was, sadly, inevitable. Calls, messages that shorten, little by little, a void, a gap between them that grew. He never knew how to fix it so he just left the things as they were.

And Max, so full of himself, never knew how to give up on things so he held onto him. Even when that was hurting them. Because nothing was the same as before, he already said it.

He knew the pain, he already lost people and was now so afraid of it that he couldn't just let it happen. He couldn't let people get too close to him. Even while smiling and looking happy and funny there were still a barrier between him and others.

Not on the track, not anymore. He will not let himself being fooled again. 

He cannot bear losing anyone else.

"What are you thinking about?"

He turns around to look at Max that lies on the back, looking at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing he ever saw.

"Too many. And you."

"Me? Come on why so secret about it?"

He doesn't answer and the duch let out a little laugh. God, he likes this sound. 

It's always like this when it comes to Max. He loves everything about him. And that's far beyond all his principles. That's not good, that's never good.

"You're hiding a lot of stuff from me, Dan. I can feel it."

"What? You're a telepath now?"

That sounds meaner than what he wanted. The smile on the lips of his former teammate disappears.

"Not a telepath. Just curious about you. And worried."

"There's nothing you should worry about."

He stands up and starts to dress quickly. He doesn't like how the conversation is turning, so he may as well run away.

"That's it. Always the same with you. Will you ever tell me one day that you love me? Or at least ... feel something towards me?"

Max doesn't like being left in uncertainties. He knows it. But in the moment he can't bring himself to say anything, to answer anything. 

So he just leaves the room, hoping the youngest will forgive him like every time.

Time's running. Their relationship gets wilder. Somehow, Max decides that he had enough waiting decides to confront him and his secrets. The truth is that the Aussie is not even ready for it. 

"Why can't you say anything? Why am I the only one who seems to care?"

"You know that's not true, Maxy, I do care about you and-"

"You never show it. You never talk about it. We are together for over two years now and it still feels like nothing changed!"

He breathes deeply. In and out. He doesn't want to do this. Rage inside him is too intense. Memories are mixing with one another. The past never looked this dark than at this instant. 

"You can't bring yourself to wait, can you? If I need time can you give me some? Are you obligated to force me every time like this?"

He sees something going through the blue sight, an emotion. But it's too fast, he can't catch it.

"You always say that our relationship has problems but you're the one who creates them! Do we need to define what we are, so we could just live ? Do you need to waste every single moment behaving that way?" 

He's going too far, he knows it. Max flinches for just a second, hurt deep inside, he can feel it. But before he starts to apologize, the Red Bull pilot replies:

"So now it's because of my behaviour? But you knew it before, you knew me and yet you still chose me. If you can’t bear my way of being, why're still here? I can't believe I was idiot enough to think that you could somehow understand me."

"I cannot bring myself to love you."

"Oh, yeah? Well then I better get going, however, I feel like punching you in the face."

He let him go. What else could he say? He already fucked it up. Everything. Maybe he's all wrong, maybe it's not that bad to love someone else, even if he's a pilot and even if in this world it's complicated and dangerous.

Or...

He still remembers the pain inside his chest. And the fact of burying people that he cared too much about. 

And the tears that never seems to be able to roll down his face. 

And the sorrow, and the grief.

* * *

Max could perfectly live while not being close to Daniel. Two last years proved it to him. But he had difficulties to do it right after a fight like that. Worry settled down his throat.

Race, race. You should focus on the race.

He can't let this chance slip. He has to let his private life outside the paddock. Too much disturbance. Even if it hurts deep down, even if he feels powerless while looking at the one he loves, suffering, because the latter wouldn’t want to talk to him.

The sky was covering. He could almost smell the rain. A bad feeling inside his chest made him feel uneasy. He tries to wash it away but it stays right here. And what if something happens on the track ?

Not being able to see Daniel before the race makes him nervous. Not for the good reasons.

Getting in his car. Starting the race. And then the rain falls down. And then everything started to fall apart. 

His focus was maximum. But there were definitely something wrong.

He tries to deal with it as if it was nothing. But it seems to worsen at every turn he would take. He is still so close to the head, so close to leading this Grand Prix. He couldn't just let it go like this, he needed those points.

It was already a miracle that he could maintain this position. He can't give up now !

And at the same time, he starts to communicate with his team, having that bad feeling too present not to do anything about it.

"Can you check if anything is wrong with the car?"

"Okay Max, we're looking at it."

He tightens his grip on the steering wheel. Just one more miracle, come on. He can do it after all, right ? 

Maybe this is the line between really talented pilots and those who are not. He should be able to handle this.

But this isn't right. 

Even with all of his will, he starts to feel how the car was slowly escaping from his control. That could end really badly, he knows that.

"It's getting worst, I can't-"

''Okay, okay we're trying to find a way.''

"No! You don't understand, there is a problem! I have-"

"Max? Max?"

"Guys? Guys?"

Nobody at the radio. The panic hit him quickly. He knows that he needs to stay calm but it's troublesome under such circumstances. He could barely see a thing.

Even if he knew this track, he couldn't race like that.

He couldn't just ...

The steering wheel is awfully difficult to turn.

He jumps to the brakes but they lack answer. Too much. Is he too late ?

He feels his car slide, he feels how the turn is taken poorly and the fear... Terrible fear as he sees, finally, the barrier getting closer and closer.

The last thing he can think about is Daniel. That's all.

And then he feels the impact.

And the pain.

* * *

Daniel could hear the engineer calling on the radio without any answers. The rain is heavy, and he can't really see outside the terrain.

"Do you know where does he crashed?"

He could hear the panic. He could hear the sudden urge. The fear deep inside.

It could be a question of life and death.

"Daniel? Is the radio still working there? There are apparently interferences in some stations."

"Yes, very well. What is happening exactly?"

There's a silence that fall down a bit. 

"You need to end your race, Dan."

"Is that serious?" 

He couldn't see the Max’s car anywhere. He's sure he was ahead of him. If he crashed into a barrier, he should have seen him ... right ? 

This accident reminds him too much of Jules. Too much. And every single person that came right afterwards. Painful. He needs to focus.

And he feels guilty somehow.

"Is that serious?"

"Daniel."

"I need to know!"

His hands shake a bit. He tries to calm down. Keeps his eyes on the track. The weather doesn't help.

"Max crashed into a barrier, in the beginning of the track. His car took fire. A pilot had stopped and pull him out of his vehicle, but we don't know who for now. He went directly to the hospital. The safety car is going to end soon, prepare yourself."

This sensation making his heart fall into his chest.

He deserves it somehow. 

He refused to admit the truth, he refused to love Max. To help him when he needed it. And now he's injured.

He bitts his lips with strength, until he feels that bitter taste of iron into his mouth. Blood indeed.

Ending the race.

Running after seconds in the paddock, feeling down. So down. Guilty as fuck. Scared of losing him.

Entering the hospital in search of Max's room. 

The medical stuff almost don't let him pass. But in the end he’s able to access his floor, his room. Pierre is waiting in front of the door, he seems surprised to see him.

"Daniel? What are you doing here?"

"Why wouldn't I be here?"

"I thought that... lately, things were going wrong between you two."

"And who told you that?"

"Well ... Max."

He almost steps back. Surprise. He never thought Max would talk about their relationship with anyone.

"So. Why you're here?"

"Isn't that obvious? To see him."

The French smiles lightly, looking suddenly pretty tired.

"I was really afraid out there. I didn't see Max crashing, but I was careful considering the weather. When I heard that nobody would come to him, I knew I needed to go. And right after I put him out of his car, it took fire."

A vivid glow appears in his eyes, the memory still scares him.

"If I didn't stop ... there'll be nothing of Max to save. And it makes me wonder about all the others that didn't stop. They may not have seeing him but what if they did, what if ..."

He puts a hand on his shoulder, cutting off his sentence, not really sure about wanting to hear the end of it. Not really sure of what Pierre fears exactly.

"There are people who didn't stop?"

"With the turn of events I was sixth and Max was second. Of course there are people who didn't."

He doesn't know what to say. He's just so freaking glad that Pierre was here. He saved Max. Max is okay. Max is alive.

"Go rest a bit, alright? You seem like you need it."

He doesn't wait for the answer and directly enters the room. 

After few steps, the voice of his former teammate almost stops him.

"Why are you here? You should go before anyone knows it. Or before, you know, you start feel any kind of affection for me."

The irony of Max’s words hurt him a bit, but he knows he deserved it. For the first time in a while, he doesn't find the rights words to say. Speechless. Totally.

Just looking at Max and feeling relief because he is not dead. Because he is alive. Because he didn't lose his precious boy.

A sigh pass out his lips. But he takes one step closer and kisses his former teammate. Deeply. Their tongues meet, and he doesn’t stop until he’s out of breath. 

That left them both breathless, looking at each other. Max, terribly dishevelled, bulging eyes, seems totally, completely, lost.

"I ... don't understand ... what do you-?"

"Love you. Goddammit. I love you, and I’m saying this from the bottom of my heart, dumbass. I was so afraid of loosing you..."

He leans forward a bit, feeling exhausted. Too much emotion in only one day. He knows he just can't go on like that. He needs to tell everything, right now, or he could lose his love. Forever.

"I didn't want to fall in love with another pilot you know? Because it was too painful. I ... only thinking about Jules ... it kills me inside. Or at least it did. I mourned ever since but I always kept those feelings, pain."

"Dan, I-"

"I was afraid that falling in love like that could be dangerous for both of us. Could kill us on the track. But the thing was that I was loosing you by thinking that way."

Max glances at him, worried, and put a hand on his. Softly. His heart is loud inside his chest. And, for the first time, light. 

"When you entered in my life, it was an upheaval. You made a mess of me. Without seeing it, I was already deeply in love with you. You were so young, you didn't want to know my reasons."

"Of course I wanted! But how could I? You closed yourself away from me. Each time my questions were left without answers."

"I was so afraid you could leave me."

"I would never. If you let me become close of you, be by your side, then I would never leave it. I love you. I love you."

He wraps his arms around Max's chest, feeling so low and high at the same time. Kind of weird. The most happy and sad moment of his life. 

He was finally free. 

Because there was someone to love him, somewhere and someone who knew the truth about everything.

And maybe, just maybe, it wasn't that bad to love another pilot.

Maybe it wasn't that bad to love Max.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't have the heart to make a bad-ending of this ... and I also like too much Maxiel ! They are my starting ship ...  
> Thanks a lot for reading, I hope you enjoyed it !


End file.
